**If you’re interested there’s an open mini-lesson on healing yourself at the link here through this weekend**

Dopamine is such a hot and sexy neurotransmitter right now. I feel like I hear about her everywhere these days. Yet, when I observe how it’s being referred to and used, I realize that most people actually don’t understand its function or how to utilize the knowledge of this microscopic molecule.

I remember first learning about the function of dopamine when I was trying to become a new version of myself.

Back when I was still trying to learn how to eat healthily, incorporate a regular meditation practice, and do yoga, I came across an article about habit creation. In this article, I learned that we humans are actually built for routines.

Each time we complete a habit, our brain releases some dopamine as a reward. The more that we do this over time, our brains start to anticipate the dopamine release, which causes us to move toward the habit that releases dopamine.

So, for me, trying to build in new habits, it was suggested that I habit stack—linking my new habit to an old one—making it easier to create that neural pathway and stick with the new habit. I was already in the habit of eating oatmeal for breakfast upon waking (a habit I built in college), so then, without allowing myself to deliberate, I would immediately sit upon my cushion after I finished and start meditating.

Now, I crave meditation. Literally. Because my body anticipates the dopamine release of completing that action. So yummy.

But where this goes awry for us in today’s culture is that we have tech companies and advertisers who understand the role of dopamine and habit formation.

Social media is the easiest culprit to point at, but there are many other means of what I call “fast dopamine.” Our devices capitalize on one of our most basic needs, the need for connection, and gamify it. These little rectangles in our pockets ding for every like, comment, notification, or new post, releasing dopamine to our reward centers. Cigarettes do something similar. So does coffee. And cocaine, the same thing.

We could list many other forms of fast dopamine, but the key point is that little to no effort is required to trigger its release. As a result, we start to be rewarded for doing nothing.

Therein lies part of our problem.

If we start to become habituated to being rewarded without putting any work in, then that’s what we will tend to go for more and more. We are these wild creatures who were made to become more efficient. But in our efforts to become more efficient, the opposite has happened.

By shortcutting our reward system with habits that require no effort, we lose interest in other activities. Our attention spans dwindle, and the quick, temporary pleasure of fast dopamine can lead to depression and anxiety as we become reliant on this external source of pleasure, losing our ability to regulate emotions.

This overreliance on fast dopamine can cause us to socially isolate because it’s easier to sit online than it is to go out and meet people. Our relationships can become more superficial, as real life tends to be more complex than our simple online interactions. But this ultimately leads to more depression because, at our core (literally deep within the brain), we crave meaningful connection and love.

We tend toward unhealthy habits like staying up late scrolling because why be in tune with the sun when there is an instant reward to be had from the phone? And in some cases, there will be those of us who become so habituated we need to increase the intensity and start chasing other, more addictive highs.

Wild, right!? But remember those tech companies and their advertisers? They understand all of this, and that’s why they create these devices and machines—to suit their own ends. Which, honestly, are very boring and destructive ends if you ask me. Amassing more money by creating more trash, all the while making humans less interested in doing anything else besides scrolling. What kind of world is that to live in? It is likely they are addicted to their own confused ways of thinking.

This situation reminds me of a simple analogy that can help explain what's happening. When we consume refined sugar, especially as children, we often develop an addiction to it. It's readily available and easy to obtain, mimicking the natural sugars found in fruits that sustained us for hundreds of thousands of years.

However, unlike fruit, refined sugar lacks nutritional value. Over time, as we continue to consume it, our bodies begin to deteriorate, deprived of the essential nutrients needed for long-term health and vitality. Just as our physical well-being suffers from the overconsumption of empty calories, our minds and spirits can also decay when we feed them with superficial or harmful influences instead of nourishing and meaningful experiences.

So what do we do? Because no one is forcing us to live this way, even though they are making the conditions quite precarious.

We must actively choose the slow dopamine route.

And it’s going to feel boring as hell at first! Especially if you’ve been habituated to spending your days on social media and computers and video games and TV.

But that’s okay! Boring is not going to actually hurt you. In the end, it’s going to revitalize you and invigorate you.

Remember when we were kids? Were you as “bored” as I often was? What I didn’t realize then was what an incredible gift that was. To sit with my feelings, my dreams, my imaginations. I came up with new games all the time and would create new languages to communicate with my friends in so no one would know what we were writing about. The space of “nothingness” offered up a blank canvas upon which any reality could be created. And it was fun.

In Buddhism, it is taught how to discern between four different types of happiness and suffering:

• Pleasant now, painful later: An example could be purchasing beyond your means on your credit card and then feeling the pain of debt later. Another is avoiding having a difficult conversation only to have resentment build and end the relationship.

• Painful now, pleasant later: An easy one here is going to the gym. It can feel difficult to build muscles or increase endurance, but in the end, we are healthier and happier as a result of our strong muscles and increased endorphins.

• Pleasant now, pleasant later: Spending time with people you love and enjoy is pleasant now and in the fulfillment that comes, from the neurotransmitter level all the way down to our souls.

• Painful now, painful later: This could be staying in a painful job or relationship because it is familiar, which only continues to wear on our bodies and minds, causing more pain later.

These are important to note and also pay attention to because it will give you more information about what is actually healthy for you and what is not. Also, some things that start off as painful now and end up pleasant later eventually become the things that actually are pleasant now and pleasant later. This is due to our habit formation and exploration of these new states of being.

When I was younger, the idea of walking into a room full of people I did not know terrified me. As I grew older, I started to put myself out there more and more and I realized that meeting new people was actually quite a rush. I almost always feel good when meeting new people and exploring their worlds.

This has grown to the point that I have traveled the world alone at times, and those have often ended up being the most social periods of my life. I could have chosen to stay alone in my own little world, but instead, I sought out connection and was rewarded beyond my wildest imaginations.

I remember watching a documentary years ago — maybe it was Happy or maybe it was 2012: Time For Change — honestly, from what I can remember, both are worthwhile movies to see if you want to feel inspired about how easy it could be to change the world.

But what stuck in my mind at the time was an interview with Elliot Page, saying something about how he was taking a break from acting and living on a farm. He said he was shoveling “pig shit” one day and was “happier than [he’d] ever been.”

That really struck a chord in me because I could reflect back on the times I did things that society has told me are worthless to my existence and even happiness—and how wonderful I actually felt inside.

Volunteering at a soup kitchen. Phone banking. Trimming roses. Harvesting food from the garden. Staring into space while doing nothing. Going to bed early. Getting up early. Having no goals for the day. Listening to a friend’s happy story. Listening to their sad story. Going for a long walk at sunset. Watching the moon with my partner.

I could list so many more.

Even within the “high highs” moments like attending festivals or traveling, it’s still those little moments that make up the experience. Dancing in the tent with your friends while the music plays far off in the distance. Meeting a stranger and chatting with them about how they did float tank experiments in the 60s. Walking long distances, covered in dirt, sweating to make it to the next location—sometimes to just sit in silence with a great teacher.

What’s wonderful about “slow dopamine” is that it’s sustainable. It’s available every day. And it’s nourishing.

Could you imagine enjoying your “boring” life?

It might sound crazy, but I really get off on seeing a little water droplet on a plant or stuck in a window screen, watching as the sunlight shines through. Oh my goddess, does that do something for me.

And sitting down to “do nothing” (aka meditate) each morning feels so spacious and free. Not to mention I know it’s healing my body, my cells, and increasing serotonin production.

Going to the gym in all its weirdly purple madness has become a meaningful experience where I know I am building a more sustainable life for my future self. Physical tasks have already become easier, and I know I’m protecting my bones as they grow more fragile with age.

I’m showing up for my own healing, as much as it sometimes hurts. I’m actively working on building the beautiful moments to share with my partner, family, and friends. I feel good when I’ve been there for someone or driven them to the airport at 4 in the morning.

All of this doesn’t cost me anything besides time. Time I am willing to give in turn for the nourishment, fulfillment, satisfaction, health, and relationships it gives me.

I was feeling worried about myself and about my clients because more and more, we were feeling depleted, depressed, despondent. Many of us with jobs and means and safe places to live. Yes, our lives aren’t “perfect” by societal standards and definitely lack in ways that I think would make our world better—but it didn’t make sense to me why we were losing steam, losing inspiration, and energy.

So I did the thing I always do, and when I have a hypothesis about something, I go ahead and try it out. The only way for me to actually know from the inside what works.

I’ve been staying off socials and pursuing more of what I know is healthy. Without the inundation of people telling me what to think and believe, or the culture telling me who to be and what to look like, without the constant stress that comes with needing to check replies and reply, I have been re-finding me.

And I don’t know this new version, but she seems interesting, and she feels healthy and stable and good. She feels happy and content with what she has. She is dreaming up the ways in which I think anything that lives dreams, thinking of new ways to explore this reality and how to make it better.

It seems as though we’re all here, together, for as long as we are alive, so in my opinion, we should make it good. If you’re on this page, you likely want it to be good too.

We know now that the methods of fast dopamine are not making us feel good, and they’re leading us to dead ends so incredibly fast. So now that we know better, we can do better. :) You know I don’t really believe in this whole good and bad thing. Instead, I think we’re always doing what we think is best for ourselves and others, even if what we are doing is coming from confused or ill-informed places.

So now we have more information. We don’t need to berate ourselves. We don’t need to roll around in regret—although by all means, help yourself if it feels good or is part of your process. But don’t get stuck there. Don’t get stuck in calling yourself names or feeling like you should have known something before you knew it. That’s wild, you divine creature!

Choose a new path forward, but do it sustainably. Take some time away from everything, even if it’s just 10 minutes, and see if you have any indication of what could change or where you want to go with your life. It does not need to be grandiose. It only needs to make you feel happy.

Then pick one or two habits that you can start to incorporate, knowing that you will not stick the landing the first time. And keep after it. Maybe even find a friend who wants to do it with you.

You’ll be surprised in a few years' time how extraordinarily your life has changed.

The time will pass anyway. What do you want to build with it?